Beneath Red Tail Wings Faint Regret

Beneath Red Tail Wings
Table of Content

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Faint Regret
by Patricia I. Williams

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Faint Regret

A muscle twitched in Matt’s jaw as he looked over the remains. Kevin’s wallet was pretty flat. He wondered why the easterner didn’t possess more than a comb and a creased, stained letter from Sarah dated a year ago. He laid them aside and turned the body over. The bullet entered just under Kevin’s arm. Matt figured it broke bones then drilled his lungs and heart. There was blood in his gaping mouth, eyes wide, face flushed and swollen. He didn’t die easy.

Matt knelt for a long time staring at the body. It could be Sarah’s face with dead eyes and gaping mouth. He couldn’t stop the gag reflex and heaved sour bile into the mud. After the army he swore never to kill another man. But he could not allow the girl to be killed. The writhing satisfaction in his gut was ruthlessly repressed. It wouldn’t do to be happy the bastard was dead.

Before his thoughts got further lost considering motivations and guilt, Matt returned to the cabin and dug out his extra tin plate to dig a shallow grave. He hesitated when it came to the blankets. They may need Harlan’s bedroll. No sense wasting them wrapping the body up. Sarah was sitting with her father, still teary eyed. There were no words he could think of to comfort her. He did check to see if her father was alright, quite surprised to find bloodshot eyes focused on him.

Standing around speechless wasn’t going to accomplish anything. Squaring his shoulders, Matt went to bury the damned fool. It wasn’t long before the repetitive effort to scour a trench in the damp soil settled his mind into the nothing which allowed him to face another day.

Sarah watched Matt come and go without a word. She busied herself putting the cabin in order. She went to the seep for more water, making an even thinner broth from the scant pieces of meat. Her father drank most of it. She told him what had been happening.

“I wish I could have warned you girl. I couldn’t stop him. Two men tried to hold me up. I went for my gun. I don’t, I don’t remember anything after that.”

“Oh, father! It sounds like Kevin sent those men after you. Did you know the men? Had you seen them before?”

“Worked on the ranch I think. Can’t remember for sure,” he whispered and closed his eyes.

“I don’t understand why he would do such a thing? He was going to kill me and leave Matt to take the blame.”

Sarah kissed her father’s cheek, then pressed her ear to his chest just to hear his heart’s rapid beating. They were alive! She was very grateful. Her prayer of thanks was interrupted by renewed tears. Exhaustion claimed her and she fell asleep. Will was not disturbed by his daughter’s slumped form. They were not out of the woods yet. However, his frustration was not enough to overcome his wounded body’s demand for rest. He slept.

Shadows pushed away the light inside the cabin as Sarah woke. She lit the fire and the lamp. She hadn’t been sleeping very long, but her mind quickly turned to thoughts of Matt’s well-being. He looked so sick when he came inside. It took more than a moment for her to realize the plate was being used to bury Kevin. They would be dead for certain if not for him. There could be no effort spared to make him see how grateful they were.

Her father moved restlessly until she sooth his anxiety with her presence. She kissed him on the cheek.

“Tell me about this man. The one I saw before. You say he found me?”

“He went out to bury Kevin. I’m worried father. He looked ill. I thought he might faint away. He said he brought you off a ledge and found this cabin, patched you up. Oh he was so protective. We had to prove who we were before he lowered his rifle. Even then he kept us under the gun. He never touched the money! It was lying right next to you and the latches hadn’t been touched! Who would resist such a temptation? Even Uncle Gil was surprised.”

“Well, I owe him. I owe him big and I’ll see to it Sarah don’t worry none.”

“Dad, you know you always told me never settle for less than a man I could respect. Well, Matt is...he is. I think I found him.” Her eyes filled with tears again at her declaration.

“Sarah,” her father groaned and shook his head, “you were nearly engaged to that idiot easterner and he was no good. Don’t start talking about any more fiancés, I won’t live through another one, I won’t.”

“Oh dad I...” Sarah had the grace to blush red and covered her hot cheeks. “Get some sleep. Gil should be back today. We can go home.”

“I can’t wait,” he mumbled. “Wake me when he gets here.”

Sarah smiled and pulled the blankets to his neck tucking him in. She stepped out of the room, breathing deeply of the mountain air. They were alive, thank God. Matt was here and they were safe.  As she thought of him Matt stepped around the corner of the cabin.

“I unsaddled his horse. Come morning we get going whether Gil is back or not.”

“Yes, I think so too. Dad’s able to talk now. The men who tried to rob my father were former hands.”

Matt frowned at that.

“Lucky for him they made due with his horse and rig instead of going for the money. But we don’t have enough ammunition to hold them off if they do show up again. Harlan claimed to be following me around, but there’s no way to know what he was doing out here.”

“Well, anything, anything at all you have it. I, we we’re grateful Matt.”

Sarah managed to look up into his eyes. She levered up and kissed his cheek.

Matt stepped away and frowned at her.

“Get inside and see to your father,” he snapped.

Her eyes filled with tears again, but that didn’t soften Matt. He turned away and disappeared into the trees, again. After the shocks of the day, this obvious rejection brought a fresh round of tears.

Matt could hear her sobbing, so he walked faster.

Sarah didn’t know how long she stood clutching the door frame and crying. It was so humiliating. He probably thought she was the most spoiled, fickle and callous woman alive. Dad was right, she didn’t know her own mind and she was courting disaster once again. Obviously Matt found nothing attractive about a girl who could kiss him after he’d killed her near fiancé. Sarah’s face flamed in shame again. She went inside and shut the door firmly behind her.

Matt held his head under the trickle of water using his bandana to scrub the worst of the filth from his body. It was cold, but he was sure there was still blood mixed with the mud on his hands. He gagged and retched for a long time. His chest and stomach burned when he managed to stagger back to the water. He rinsed his mouth and washed again. Alone, no one could witness his weakness. He cried, an awkward process that did not ease his disgust. If he hadn’t killed Harlan two people might have died. He could have been digging Sarah’s grave. He shivered continuously as he dressed and shrugged into his coat. He had no choice to go back and snub that girl. It was a kiss on the cheek, didn’t mean anything but he, he didn’t dare think. He was broken and no good would come of it.

Sarah was there looking vulnerable and frightened of him as he walked in.

“Miss Bethencourt, I apologize for my rough manner. I was out of line.”

“I owe you the apology, Mr. Travers. I am not normally so ill-mannered and, and forward. I can only think the stress of the day... I ask your pardon.”

Sarah stood by the fireplace wringing her hands as she spoke to him. Matt was watching the firelight glinting in her hair. She began to fumble at her skirt in confusion at his distraction. He finally tore his eyes away from her.

“I didn’t mean to speak so harsh to you Sarah. I don’t like killing a man.”

He sighed.

“I’m tired girl. The ground was, ah I’m sorry. We better turn in. I’m too tired.”

All he had to do was cross the room to his bedroll. It seemed a long way off.

“You haven’t eaten. I...”

“I couldn’t.” The thought made him nauseous again.

“Some coffee?”

“No, no nothing. Just get to sleep.”

He avoided her by walking to the other side of the table and kneeling beside his bedding.

She followed him and the muscles in his shoulders tightened at her hovering.

“I hope Kev...he didn’t take anything.”

“Take? What?”

“He said, he said he went through your things.”

Matt spun on his heels and jumped to his feet.

“That bastard, I..”

Sarah and backed away, shocked by his reaction. Suddenly Matt’s face was bleached of all color and he swayed as if struck. Sarah rushed forward and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Matt, Matt what is it?” She staggered as his weight shifted again.

“Here sit, no no in the chair.”

Matt fell into it and covered his face with unsteady hands.

Sarah ran to Kevin’s saddlebags and dumped the contents on the floor. Her own hands shook as she found his silver plated flask and rushed to splash the brandy into a cup.

“Here drink this, drink it!”

She pushed his hands away from his face and pushed the cup to his lips.

“Drink it down!”

Matt grimaced at the taste but took the cup and drained it. Sarah watched him. He never looked up, but after awhile his color returned and his breathing slowed. The silence stretched.

She sighed. An owl hooted and swooped over the roof. One of the horses bumped the wall and snorted. Probably his.

“I better check around outside.” Matt’s voice startled her from where ever her numb mind had gone. Before she could say a word he was up and out the door.

He was gone so long she got nervous and placed her gun on the table.

Finally he stepped back inside.

“Thank God.” He looked surprised at her relief.

“Everything’s alright. No signs of anyone around.”

“Good. Would you sit down here for a minute Matt?”

He folded his arms and backed away from her.

“It’s late Sarah. We need to sleep.”

“You need to sit and hear what I have to say,” she snapped. She surprised him again.

He approached the chair as if she was a threat and sat down.

Sarah took a deep breath.

“You have suffered more than inconvenience because you stopped to help my father. I’m sorry Kevin went through your belongs, but Matt, what he told me doesn’t make any difference. I mean...”

“What did he say?”

“He...your eyes, that the doctors didn’t know how long your sight might last.”

Her voice was a whisper that screamed to him of pity. He clenched his fists in an effort to keep still and not scare her to death. If Harlan was alive right now, he would probably have killed him for this.

“...and I think you are just the bravest man I’ver ever met. Twice you have risked everything for strangers and I, I just wanted you to know...”

Suddenly she was on her feet and around the table. Before he could move her arms encircled his shoulders and she hugged him hard as she could. Matt wanted to get away but they were a vise stealing his breath and the strength from his body. Then his arms came up and wrapped around her waist. He was hugging her back. He turned his face away from the firelight into the soft darkness of her body. His throat ached and when he would have pulled away, her arms tightened. She laid her cheek against the tangled curls on his head and murmured, “It’s alright”, over and over again.

On the cot in the corner William Bethencourt listened as well as watched his daughter’s grieving face. Sarah never could resist a wounded critter and it looked as if she really lost her heart to this one. The easterner never made her look so broken hearted even when he betrayed her and died.

Matt could not remember being so tired when he finally rolled up in his blankets. Across the room Sarah smiled and his heart beat faster. He smiled back then quickly covered his face with his hat.

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